Diary

November 30, 1942

As I thought, I couldn’t manage it the next day, or the day after that. I continued to struggle to write even after three days. And now, too (four days later), I didn’t think I’d begin to write, because I had already stopped for so long, but nevertheless I gathered strength and resolved that I wouldn’t be so weak, so therefore I am continuing what I started. Now I hope that I won’t stop from time to time, but with God’s help I will write as I intend to every single evening. Now I return to the question I asked above and to its answer: What can the Holy One blessed be He intend with all the troubles that come to us in these horrible days, and why doesn’t He prevent them? [However,] the following question must come before any answer to that question and before the question itself. This [primary] question is: Are the troubles that are coming upon us now part of the troubles that have been coming upon us since we first went into exile, or, perhaps, are these troubles different and completely changed from those troubles that we have undergone until now? It seems to me that the second answer is correct, because in fact it is very hard for me to believe that all of what we see today is nothing but a link in the long chain of troubles. First of all, it is hard for me to believe that because of the great impression these decrees and persecutions have on me, but I myself thought that it is very difficult to pin the answer to this important question solely on impression. For is it not clear and certain that the persecutions, in Spain for example, and the expulsion from there, or the pogroms of 5408 [1648], or several other troubles also made a great impression on the members of our nation in their time? And maybe the impression that the troubles made on them at that time was greater than the ones today made on me, as can be seen from false messiahs and the like. Hence you must say that the impression is not decisive and doesn’t matter, because sometimes there is something whose value is very small but the impression it causes is very great, and the opposite is also possible, as in Christianity, for example, which in my view is a vain thing, but it made such a great impression on important people, authors, poets, and the like. Therefore, we must go and observe their troubles and ours, which means looking at the difference between them. First of all, we see that their troubles were always local. In one place the Jews were severely persecuted, and in another place they dwelt in peace and tranquility. But the second difference is more decisive, and that is the official status of our troubles now and the organization that is effected to make the troubles more grievous. This difference truly pierces one’s eyes. And a detail of all this is that the Germans do not at all seek to explain the reason for the persecution by anything, the way the Spanish did, for example, who placed the blame for their persecution on our religion, etc. But with the Germans we don’t see any true effort to present a reason for their persecution of us, only that we are Jews. The fact that we were born Jewish is more than enough of a reason for all the persecutions and all the troubles.

To the first reason we can also add that at this time Jewry in general is harmed by this trouble. (Jewry in general is the majority of the Jews!) With this example, it is possible to explain [the difference] very well. In the past, in the Middle Ages, when enemies besieged some city or struck it with all sorts of fire and catapulted stones into it, they also tried to pierce the walls with large, heavy battering rams, and strong and brave men grasped the battering ram in their hands and began to strike the wall. The people who saw this at that time truly thought that it was impossible to be more powerful and aggressive, and when at most about a dozen more men came to help destroy the wall, this was the most that human power could do. But in our day we see that even a small child has the power to destroy a whole city. You only have to take a little dynamite and attach it to electricity, and then with the touch of a single finger, the strongest wall is destroyed in a moment. Thus it is with our troubles today. Then, too, for example in the persecutions at the time of the Crusades, it was impossible to do more than they did, but today without a sword and without a weapon people do things a thousand times worse than what was done then. The reason why this is possible is that today everything is done in an orderly way.

They arrange and organize, organize and arrange, so that maybe only one out of a thousand can flee for his life and hide, and the like. And why is it possible to arrange everything so, while in past days it wasn’t that way? The reason for that is, and thus we return to the second principal answer, that with us everything is done in an official way, everything with us is legal. They condemn according to the laws. Just as it is forbidden to steal, so it is a dictate to persecute the Jews.

Because of all that is written above, we conclude that there really is a difference between all the sorrows that we underwent in the time since we were exiled and the sorrows of this horrible present. And therefore one may ask, since the differences are so many: Why did the Holy One blessed be He not prevent them or at least decrease them, or why does He on the contrary allow us to be persecuted and tormented? And what are the consequences that can emerge from these sorrows?

The answer to this question does not seem at all difficult to me. As is known, we were driven from our land because of our many sins, and, therefore, if we wish to return we must repent fully, and then we will be able to return to our land. But if we do not return by repentance, the prophet already foresaw and therefore said that in the end of days we would be redeemed not by our righteousness but by the sins of our enemies and by their torture of us (as in Egypt). And truly it was more than enough that the Holy One blessed be He did not spare us the simple troubles that we underwent until now. But there is another difficulty, and this difficulty is that if we can be redeemed because of our many troubles, there is the great danger that the Jews themselves won’t want redemption. As I have heard my Jewish acquaintances answer my question so many times: What returning will there be at the end of the war? Almost always I received as an answer that when the war ends everything will return to the old order. We will once again remain among the gentiles among whom we settled, life will continue as it was, and everything will be as in the beginning. But the Holy One blessed be He does not want that. For this reason, He pulled them out of their homes and cities (where they had lived in the past), and now with all their heart they want to return to our holy land, the Land of Israel.

Therefore, one may hope that since most of the Jews no longer dwell in the place of their first residence, and most of them desire to be redeemed, in truth that time for redemption has come, and with the help of our God we will be redeemed soon; maybe by the coming Hanukkah, God will perform this miracle for our people and redeem us and return us to our land. But there is one small thing that might interfere with this, and I will write about it tomorrow, with God’s help, because in truth I am gripped by sleep (it is already past one o’clock in the morning), but before I stop writing I will pray to the God of Israel that he will answer this prayer: Return us to You, O Lord, our God, and we will return. Renew our days as of old! [Lamentations 5:21]

December 2, 1942, Morning

The small thing that I mentioned above is this: most of the Jews think that redemption and salvation depend on the victory or defeat of England. For if England wins, then most of the Jews (even those who wish to be redeemed) can say that it wasn’t God who saved us but England. And the gentiles will say the same thing. And I mention the gentiles here, too, because I am swayed by the idea that for the gentiles as well something will come out of this war. For ultimately we must know and remember that even though the gentiles don’t concern me in the slightest, and even if a million of them die in a single day it wouldn’t affect me and wouldn’t make any impression on me at all, one mustn’t forget that the gentiles lost many, many things, both people and other things, like houses, and countless ships, and a great deal more, and the time has also come that they, too, should learn a little from all the wars that have taken place until now, especially from the two world wars that were almost consecutive. Therefore, I think that this war, in which we are living today, will end not with the victory of one of the combatants but with the victory of the Holy One blessed be He. Neither England nor America, but rather the God of Israel, will emerge victorious from this war. And when this happens, I think that before the final victory Germany will overcome on almost all fronts, and when it appears that she has already almost won, then God will come with His sword and take the victory away from her. Naturally and self-evidently, my entire outlook and what I wrote above is a religious outlook. I hope that I will be forgiven for this, because if I didn’t have religion, in truth I couldn’t ever reach even the smallest of conclusions to all the questions that leap upon me.